Overcoming Avoidance

Today I am going to set a structure in place to tackle a pattern of avoidance. It is one I inherited from my father and it is not something I want to pass on to my children. On a conscious level I know that this pattern does not support me. In fact it causes me uneccessary angst and creates stress. My new strategy is to put in place a structure. Avoidance allows us to stop thinking about things that are difficult.


"There is no right and there is no wrong, there is what works and what doesn't. We can always change what doesn't work."JR

The inevitable dance of Change & Resistance

For

Finding 5 meaningful Goals

I belong to a Goals Group and tomorrow we will meet to discuss the 5 goals we will set for this year. They are a great group of people. Supportive, talented and challenging enough to give added impetus to doing what we say we will.
Yesterday I went to a Christening and today, the funeral of someone who died too young. It has made me think about what I really value and what goals can I set that could really make a difference. Meaningful relationships with family and friends are high on my list. Contributing to my community is important to me. 

Saturday Day 17

Sometimes change is thrust upon us. Yesterday I spent sometime with a very special friend who has once again had change thrust upon her. At the moment I have choice as to what challenges I take on. I can prevaricate, I can choose to make the small decisions or no decisions at all. How fortunate am I and how easy is it to take this good fortune for granted because it can change in the blink of any eye.

Some people bring out the very best in you. My friend is one of those people. She makes me feel good about myself. She is always interested in what I am doing and asks questions that encourage me to share more. My challenge today is to explore ways that I can bring out the very best in myself and others.

Best Laid Plans

http://www.speigel.theartscentre.com.au/

Tonight I have organised to take my family to the Speigeltent to see a show. My Christmas gift was to give my children, partners, sister, nephew etc a fun experience together. My challenge today is flexibility. Things haven't quite worked out the way I expected. Nothing dramatic. My son planned a trip to Sydney on this date so won't be going (his girlfriend is). Dinner before the show became too difficult so 3 of us might make it. My daughter & her boyfriend are both lawyers ( they may not make it if they are asked to stay back). My intention was to have fun. I love my family and I like spending time with them. None of this will change. What is the point of spoiling the fun by expectations. What will be will be. I may have a few tickets to give away.

Day 7 Taking Stock

Today I am going to stop and take stock.
As Albert Einstein says
"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"

How am I going.. This Change detox is a definite challenge. My desk does not exude calm yet. I haven't started my Tango lessons and I didn't get up at 6am this morning.The up side is that I am ceratinly achieving more in my day and becoming aware of the obstacles that I have put in my path. I am calmly chipping away at the things that need to be done and not falling into the negative void at the long list of things yet to be achieved.

Change is but a walk in the park

Today I set my alarm for 6am so I could take the dog for an early walk. I used to do this on a regular basis but somehow it is no longer part of my routine. The sunrise was lovely. I felt energised and Baci had a lovely time. Why is that we can so easily delete patterns that are good for us and the one's we would like to remove stay stuck? Lazy? I won't wallow in the reason, I had allowed my excuses to win because I didn't have a compelling reason to walk. I had decided that I would fit it in when I had time! Bad mistake! Poor Baci often missed out on her walk or was quickly pulled around the block. Today I discovered what I had been missing. The clean crisp air, the peace at that time in the morning, time to clear my thoughts for the day ahead and the joy of my 15 year old dog as she trotted through the park. She has no trouble stopping to smell the roses and other less desirable odours. I intend to start the day as I would like it to progress. Peacefully, Mindfully & Joyfully

Being Grateful

Today I am giving up struggle. I am just going to be grateful no matter what comes my way. I am grateful that I am healthy. There are so many things I take for granted. I am grateful that I have people who support me. I have great friends but weeks can go by without contact. I received a wonderful testimonial from one of my clients. It really made me feel fortunate that I am able to do the work I do. It really made a difference that she had taken the time to put to something in writing. As G.B. Stern says "Silent gratitude isn't much use to anyone."   This started me thinking......
Do I let others know that I am grateful? How can I do this better? How can I be more mindful about expressing my gratitude? This needs some serious thought

What can I do differently today?

It is already lunch time and I haven't decided what to do differently today. I have a pile of things to do. I really don't need to add anything new to the list. I have had a lovely day catching up with friend's. Not planned, just opportunities that presented themselves. Unfortunately this hasn't helped lessen my TO DO pile It just means more to do tomorrow.
Help is this a familiar pattern? I love spontaneity and I truly value my friends, however I am anxious about what I have left undone. This is definitely an area that requires change but not today.
I had arranged to meet Bernadette for coffee after lunch and I was still no closer to clarifying what I was going to do differently today. She suggested that she would have a whole list of change ideas so that she could pick one each day from the list. Great idea! Why do I have to make things so complicated? One of my friend's strenghts is that she is super organised. She is a systems person. I love it. I have started a new filing and process system . Today I will take one more step towards being super organised. I WANT A DESK THAT EXUDES CALM.

First Tango in Windsor

http://www.tangotambien.com/argentine_tango_classes.html

I have been wanting to learn the Tango for years. Unfortunately I am not sure that dance is my thing. Ballet classes as a 5 year old weren't a great success so I am told. Neither was ballroom dancing as a teenager. I was nervous, as I hate making a fool of myself. Decided to change my attitude and just approach it as fun & a new experience. Added bonus I was going with a friend, good exercise, something to share. Besides I have already purchased my dance shoes. We met at the venue and as chance would have it, the door was closed and my shoes didn't get their first outing. As they say if first you don't succeed try, try again. Plan B........

Saturday - I would rather be curled up reading a book

Whilst in the process of emptying the 600 emails form my Inbox I came across this quote"Most human beings seem innately averse to change. Once we've established some measure of comfort or stability, we want to nail it in place so that there's no possibility of loss." Martha Beck
Yes that's my challenge for today! To sort my emails and empty my Inbox.  Who in their right mind would have that many emails in their Inbox.  The fear  of deleting something important  or leave things to read at a later date has left me with an avalanche of emails. Not only that I have 2 email boxes. Time to put a strategy in place. I am not going to achieve this today. Looks like this will be an ongoing change challenge.
First step is to clear out the items that emails that are not important. Second step cancel newsletters I don't have time to read. Third step deal with current emails. Sort -File or Flick. Discipline & reward. Friday 11 my reward will be...........

Melinda's Blog Dilemma

Tried to post a blog last night and it vanished.(Is this an Omen?)
 I had proudly shown my blog to my son & his girlfriend and received feedback that challenged me. Firstly "How are people going to find you? (Dashed if I know) Oh I am just writing this for myself and using it as a way to commit to doing and reviewing. They didn't seem too impressed. I could feel my enthusiasm ebb as the conversation continued. What's tomorrows challenge? ( I've only just finished today's!) Believe it or not I woke at 3am pondering this question and still had not decided when I started my day. I know I will get my paperwork filed and completed. (anyway that was my goal for the week and I had managed to avoid it for the last few weeks!!!) Amazing how many excuses I can think of. I had even researched procrastination and set up a new filing system to support me and bought a new book called "Paper Flow" The amazing thing about change is that we sometimes have to ask ourselves some pretty tough questions. No wonder people get stuck doing what they have always done.
TODAY my Change challenge came to me and I didn't like it one bit. Not keeping on top of my paper work and accounts cost me 3 hrs of my time, self flagellation (yes we are our own harshest critics) and the humiliation of others discovering I was less than perfect.
So what have I learnt:
1.That when you embark on change you need to bounce back from disappointments, learn from what has happened and move on.

2. To really make changes I need to clear out the rubbish, the patterns of  behaviour that don't work for me. So I guess I have my work cut out for me over the next 100 days- A CHANGE DETOX - Lets hope I loose weight- carrying this baggage around is truely exhausting.

The Blog Challenge

Here is a first test post, The Blog Challenge
Day 1 of my hundred day Change Challenge. I was due to start my blog on 1 February, but change often doesn't go to plan! My first learning when doing something new is to partner with someone who has some expertise and get support.  I could have muddled through myself with the chance of frustration, too hard and loosing interest. So thanks Paris for your help, support and interest.

Change is like this slice of lemon it has a number of segments. It can taste bitter or it can add just the right amount of zest.

 

A lemon slice for Change :-)
So what have I learnt from my first challenge?
It is fun to try something new and it doesn't have to be perfect the first time. When I have support I am more likely to give something new a go. I am excited by this type of challenge because I am learning something, gaining a new skill, opening the door to possibility. I like novelty! However there is always an element of trepidation. Am I doing the right thing? Do I have time for this? The Ego steps in........
I wonder what tomorrow's challenge will bring?

Why a Change Challenge?
Why is change so hard? Is there a way to ensure that change happens? Why can we change some things and not others?
Last year I explored these questions by challenging myself to 100 days of change. It was a fun idea, at least I thought so. However like many challenges in life I lost interest and motivation. I know all this stuff about change, so how did I fall into the same old traps? My challenge in 2012 is to put what I learnt to use and to focus on what I really want to change.